The trouble with having Friends..

I recently had a chat with a friend who was frank in telling me that our friendship had changed over the years.  This, she said, was due to us growing up and apart from each other.    I was relatively “unsober” (not a real word) during this conversation and it probably wasn’t as deep/thought provoking as I had experienced but the message was clear.  The status of our friendship had changed and  I sensed that a bit of blame was assigned to me,  which was a bit unfair but…ok.. this is not about that.

This got me thinking of the many people i’ve known to be my friends. Whether or not they have felt this way,  or blame me for not keeping in touch. (which is a two-way street but again…ok, – moving on)   Have I been the type of person who doesn’t value friendships or just relationships in general.  I started asking myself these questions because this wasn’t the first person to tell me we’re mot as “tight” as we’re used to be.

In the interest of bettering myself as a person I want to learn how to keep friendships that facilitate the process of me becoming a better guy. Which, might i add,  is going to be a bit difficult because I’m already so awesome.

I have since adopted the seemingly obvious task of telling my friends who I miss that I actually  miss them and even if the friendship has changed, communicate how I still value what they mean to me.  In order to do this though I have had to let go of the heavy burden that comes with having pride or an ego.  By this i mean that I don’t become attached to the “why doesn’t he/she gimme a call and check up on me?, “why do I always have to be the one making in an effort” etc..

All of this is something that as a guy has never been a priority because I assumed we don’t have to put as much effort in friendships /relationships… (boy was I wrong).  The practical realities of this shift in perspective are by  no means easy to implement – even as a guy –  but learning to value people that mean something in your life takes effort.

It is not always reciprocated in the way we’d all like but trust me.. It makes all the difference in the world regardless of your gender. and the trick is to create friendships that value this kind of effort.

– Lwazi.